It's 3:06 am Melbourne time but 1:06 am Malaysian time and Jon can't sleep. As I am typing out my blog, I gotta admit that I am really very tired. Ironically, I can't sleep, but think of tonight's dinner.
Although the food was really good, it's not so much the food that kept me thinking but rather the people who I had dinner with. Tonight I had dinner with my former suppliers and the 2 jokers who took over dad's business. Somehow, the dinner tonight made Jon a very sad person. As I sat through the dinner, made small talk and also observed the people sated before me, I couldn't help but be filled with regret.
As I looked around, I couldn't stop but wonder if I made the right choice to give everything up and follow the "voice" to Melbourne. It took me a few months to discover myself and it was in Melbourne that I made peace or rather was able to forgive myself and move on. I reckon Melbourne made me see many different things as well as made me realize many thing I never knew existed within me.
As much as I regret, tonight I realized that I do not have any more tears to cry.
Although tonight is one of the saddest night, I feel that I do not have the luxury to share my heart with anyone. As strange as it seems, and although I keep reminding myself that it does not take faith to expect good but on the contrary, I reckon I can't have anything better. The Jon'z somehow feels a lil lonely and sad tonight.
In the midst of the mind churning thoughts, I told dad that I would like to have alot of money, power and influence. I told dad tonight that I would like to work with CEO to regain all that I have lost and also hijack businesses around me... especially the business of someone I know in Singapore. I do not want to get even with anyone, but sometimes it is so tempting to get even. For once I reckon I would like to just take away from everyone what was taken away from me. Then again, that's the spirit of stupid talking. Nevertheless, I would like to take away the business of a particular someone I used to know in Singapore.
Anyhow, that's how my mind in working tonight.
Perhaps I am just too tired, discouraged, lonely and hurt for a very long time. I wish I had someone who I can talk to tonight.. but even my parents or friends are not available.
If I had a wish, I wish I could turn back time and make things right.
Maybe this is the spirit of stupid talking.. or perhaps, I am just too tired trying so hard to pick up the pieces.
Labels: Heart